Just so you know, this was not the plan.
I was going to do it all, be it all, have it all. Climb the corporate ladder, make big money, see the world. Settle down in New York and find a fabulous apartment, maybe even buy one
More specifically, the plan was not to move back to my parents’ house in Connecticut, a decade after moving out of it.
The thought first crossed my mind while reading Essentialism, but I immediately pushed it aside.
Nope, no way.
Are you crazy?!
But I kept reading, and thinking. And I couldn’t shake the possibility. Because deep down I knew it could be the right move.
In fact, the decision was
simple. It was the execution that scared me.
It’s amazing how tightly my ego had been clinging to
my 9-5, glam city life and, more than anything, other people’s opinions. I thought about everyone I would disappoint, confuse and upset by making this decision. And there was my lease (the timing’s not right) … and my job (salaried, mind you, with benefits and a 401K).
These were all reasons it “couldn’t” work.
But I’ve never been interested in dwelling on reasons why things can’t be done. It was too late anyway, I’d already started painting a picture in my head of what a new life could look like and it looked freakin’ wonderful.
I dropped the whole corporate ladder idea a while ago, I’m not built for that. But do you ever feel like you’re waiting for your life to start? Like you know what’s ahead – or what could be, but you’re just spinning your wheels?
That’s how I’d been feeling.
And I didn’t know how to move past it. I’d been involved with every single decision to get to where I am, so how did I end up feeling like I’ve lost control?
I thought of creating a stricter budget (cute). I considered getting a side gig, even though I’ve been struggling to balance my full time job with CTK and everything else for a year. I’d been trying to do it all, be it all and have it all – just like I set out to do – and guess what? It wasn’t working. I wasn’t happy.
This trying to do it all mentality led me even further from alignment, which caused anxiety, frustration and stress.
So, I let go.
I started to think about what I want my life to look like. How I want to feel everyday. And the answers to those questions led me to the title of this post.
Our time here is finite, so we have to go after what we want. And showing up at a comfortable job day in and day out, in order to pay for an overpriced apartment is not really what I want.
I want to feel excited to get up everyday, and work on something that lights my soul on fire. Pardon the cheesiness, I’m almost done here.
So if I want to see real change then I have to think bigger than just tweaking my current circumstances. If I want to focus on what’s essential, I have to determine what obstacles are holding me back and remove them. I don’t have to move in with my parents, but I’m choosing to make a (temporary) trade off, because it buys me some time. Time to spend with my family, time to follow my passion and build a business, and time to get my health back on track.
I’m taking a big ole risk, because I have clear ‘whys’. It may all backfire on me. Or maybe I’ll discover the meaning of life, who knows. Maybe someday I’ll look back on this and chuckle about my quarter life existential crisis. But I can’t be afraid of failure, right? Dana said I could sleep in her spare room if the whole crashing with my parents thing doesn’t work out. I hope she knows there’s a very real possibility I show up at her door in my bathrobe with Lucy and a box of Merlot.
I’d say I’m about 10 percent skeptical, 10 percent terrified and 80 percent sure. In fact, that’s a lot more sure than I’ve felt about anything in a long time.
Some people are slightly less sure about my decision. Over dinner with family friends when I attempted to explain my plan, my mom promptly blurted out “Bridget needs to find herself.”
Um, pass the wine, pleaseandthankyou.
Regardless of the outcome, I’m proactively making a choice on my own terms, not just living by default, and that feels pretty good.
Nelson Mandela said “There is no passion to be found in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”
Time to start living, baby. Even if that means crashing with my parents for a bit at 27.