Wish You Were More Confident? 3 Questions to Ask Yourself


Be more intentional about who you want to become. Have vision beyond your current circumstances. Imagine your best, future self, and start acting like that person today.”

– Brendon Burchard

A decade ago when I was 30 pounds heavier, struggling with my body, confidence and life in general, if you’d asked me who I was, what I wanted and how I was going to get it, I wouldn’t have been able to answer very quickly.

I was so stuck in the pain of feeling like shit about myself that I couldn’t see a future that was brighter. I felt like a cooler life just wasn’t going to happen for me, because I didn’t realize that I was the one who had to create it.

The first step was getting clear on what ‘cooler’ meant for me.

You know that saying, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll end up someplace else?” I think Yogi Berra said it. That’s what we’re talking about here.

In other words: clarity.

Bridget and I have both been been gobbling up the wisdom of High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard recently and it’s quickly climbed the charts of one of the best personal development books I’ve read. And dammit, if I haven’t read a lot of them.

High Performance Habits

Why you need clarity in your life

Most of the emails we get are from women wanting to get a handle on their weight problem, in order to feel more confident. And if you’ve been following along for any amount of time, you know that we think that’s a terrible way to go about this whole life thing.

We believe you have to work on the confidence part first. Then you start feeling better, taking better care of yourself, and all of the sudden life feels more fun and fulfilling, you have more energy, and you starting losing weight without all the deprivation and punishing exercise – because you’re not sad and bored and eating all of your feelings.

So how does this relate to clarity?

Well because for a lot of women, one of the underlying causes of the shitty confidence symptom is a total lack of clarity about what they truly want deep down. Of knowing who they are, what they want and how they’re going to get it.

Most people skip this step. Most people just continue looking everywhere but inside themselves for the antidote to the gnawing discontent they feel inside. To the boredom and lack of enthusiasm they feel for their day to day lives. I know I used to do that too.

And for women especially, this means trying different diets and forms of punishing exercise so they can lose weight – instead of things like journaling about how they want to feel and who they want to be in life. (They never talk about those things in SHAPE magazine.)

Creating clarity is the first step to becoming the woman you most want to be. It’s associated with a higher level of positive emotions and overall self-esteem.

If you know thyself, you can stop feeling like shit about thyself.

So let’s get some clarity, eh? Courtesy of Mr. Burchard – the fiery, human Chuahua of a motivational speaker. I mean that in the most positive way possible. That’s really what he feels like. So much energy. Incessantly barking at us all to get our shit together and live full, aligned, happy, meaningful lives.

How to create it

As with other things in life, like say, confidence and energy, we tend to think clarity is something you have or you don’t. That kid in your high school class who always knew he wanted to be a doctor. So lovely for him. He had clarity all along.

But clarity is something we generate by continuously asking ourselves questions. By being curious and inquisitive. By researching and testing and trying new things. We find it by sorting through all the options and opportunities to find out what feels best in our little souls. Clarity comes from careful experimentation.

For instance, in terms of my career, I’ve entertained or tried the following options:

  • Commercial Real Estate Marketing
  • Commercial Real Estate Sales
  • Executive Assistant
  • Acupuncturist
  • Interior Designer
  • Nutrition Coach
  • Marketing Project Manager
  • Yoga Instructor
  • Real Estate Agent
  • Blogger
  • Holistic Health Coach, Writer and Podcaster

Some of these experiments have been connected, some have not. But all were part of the process of me gaining extreme clarity around exactly what I want my career to look like. In creating something that feels so aligned and exciting that I work all the time because I really want to. But I didn’t start out with that clarity. It literally took a decade of mindful experimentation.

Creating clarity doesn’t always happen overnight, but there are some helpful exercises you can do right now that will help you start to create it in your life.

According to Burchard, you’d be surprised at how much knowing the answers to these three simple questions can affect your life:

  1. Who am I?
  2. What are my goals?
  3. What’s my plan?

So that’s where you start. Get a journal. Write it out. Lack of clarity in life is strongly associated with neuroticism and negative emotions, which is why self-awareness is so crucial.

If you’d like to some more ideas of how to get clarity in your life, we have a training for you over in our Facebook group, Lighten Up by Wellness Lately. If you’re not a member already, we’d love to see your pretty face over there. Request to join here.

So what about you? Do you have clarity in your life? Have you been continuously questioning who you want to be and how you want to show up? Leave us a note below and tell us how you created it!

How to Change Your Life: The 3 Parts of Your Brain You Must Train
Keystone Habits: Why It’s Better to Focus on Them vs. Your To-Do List
Want to Manifest Something? You’re Probably Skipping This Step

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Author Dana

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